i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
