Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
