I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
