I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
