I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
