I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
