my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
