Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
