She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
