Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
