You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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