I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
