Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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