I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
