they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
