hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
