she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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