why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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