i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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