Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
