In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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