I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
