i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
