its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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