put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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