I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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