4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
