yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
