wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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