erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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