Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
