i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
