I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
