i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
