I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
