Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do vagina's smell?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
