dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
