I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
