I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
