His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
