You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
