Where is the hickey?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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