I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
