I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
