He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
