I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
