so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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