Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
