Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
