i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
