the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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