How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
