You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Send help, water and tortillas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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