Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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