I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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