Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
