How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
