i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
